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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074734">Marble, cold, and soft as satin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrow0/pseuds/assigned_Jon_Kin_Again'>assigned_Jon_Kin_Again (sparrow0)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>they keep trying to row away [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Archivist Sasha James, Beholding, Captivity, Caretaking, Dehumanization, Dissociation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, MerMay, Monsters, Non-sexual Understimulation, non-sexual D/s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:28:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrow0/pseuds/assigned_Jon_Kin_Again</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sasha is not certain she's ever been angrier before in her life, but the anger, too, feels as though it's behind a massive wall of thick glass, easy to see and impossible to touch. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or: Jon's circumstances improve, finally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood &amp; Sasha James &amp; Jonathan Sims &amp; Tim Stoker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>they keep trying to row away [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>357</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Marble, cold, and soft as satin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is the first work I'm actually publishing to AO3 for this fandom. title from Regina Spektor's <a href="https://genius.com/Regina-spektor-all-the-rowboats-lyrics">"All The Rowboats,"</a> as with the other works in this series. </p><p>huge huge HUGE thanks to everybody on eye horror who has encouraged and enabled this nonsense, especially michael, sasha elias, john, and kit! </p><p>it would not have been possible for me to write this fic without all of your support or without the related works in this series, which are fantastic! </p><p>also I totally meant to make Sasha and Jon textually trans in this one but...instead I got distracted and made Tim textually Jewish? shrugs I guess.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Head Archivist Sasha James follows Elias into the room, her shoulders tense with anticipation. Whatever this is, it's probably a test. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, she thinks she's just been led into a well-appointed library, filled bookcases along every wall and running through the room. Then Sasha follows Elias's gaze across the room to the huge, single pane of glass along one wall, more than six meters high, and the dimly-lit fish tank visible through it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are specks of brilliant, glowing green in among the rocks, and at first she thinks there might be a pretty, exotic type of coral hidden in the tank's depths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Watcher throws the reality into her mind with all the subtlety of a brick through a window. Sasha Knows the true shapes of the creature in the tank, the man he was, the monster he is, and the nature of what had happened to him, in enough mind-searing detail for her lips to part and hands to shake with it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Jon. Oh, no,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is the test, then: Elias has been wishing Sasha weren't so sentimental about her assistants. Not only is this one no longer human, Jonathan Sims is no longer a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mammal,</span>
  </em>
  <span> sinuous form turning and swimming up to the glass to watch them. He is stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful and </span>
  <em>
    <span>miserable</span>
  </em>
  <span> in equal measure, and it hurts her heart to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon has been gone for more than a year, and for that entire time, Sasha Knows, he has been held here. Elias has starved him of food and human contact and - and text, oh, Elias hasn't allowed him to read, she realizes, frozen in bone-deep horror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon was one of her Archival Assistants, she remembers his CV, he was a scholar and reader his whole life, like Sasha, like all her people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elias kept Jon on the other side of the glass from a </span>
  <em>
    <span>library</span>
  </em>
  <span> and has not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>once</span>
  </em>
  <span> allowed him to </span>
  <em>
    <span>read.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha turns to Elias, pasting on a smile. "Oh, this was one of the Archives' people, wasn't he, ages ago?" she asks, brightly. "Jon, wasn't it? This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>fascinating</span>
  </em>
  <span> - I'd love a closer look."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon can see and hear her, she Knows he can, and she watches as his face crumples in despair before he's blank with numb, exhausted distress again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elias guides Sasha up the spiral staircase to sit on the ledge at the top of the tank. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha does her very best to be cordial, to be conversational in a professional way, as Elias calls Jon up out of the water, as Elias discusses Jon as though he weren't there, as Elias hand-feeds Jon what Sasha Knows is nowhere near sufficient food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elias asks if she wants to feed the monster, and when Sasha does so, it's as if the hand holding the fish belonged to someone else. Sasha feels as if she were watching from a long, long distance away as Jon's blue-green face nuzzles against her palm, unable to avoid Knowing how brutally he'd been trained not to think of biting, how desperately Jon longed for affectionate touch, or how </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweet</span>
  </em>
  <span> Elias thought Jon was like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha is not certain she's ever been angrier before in her life, but the anger, too, feels as though it's behind a massive wall of thick glass, easy to see and impossible to touch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Sasha finally leaves, she texts "tunnels. now." to Tim and Martin, knowing it's past one in the morning, fully prepared to call them and keep calling until they come to her, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>find</span>
  </em>
  <span> them and drag them close if necessary. She wants her assistants, all three of them, immediately, with freezing cold fury. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon is her assistant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hers,</span>
  </em>
  <span> part of her Archives. This is obscene. She half-wishes it felt obscene primarily because she respects him and not because Elias taking Jon away so badly offends her new sensibilities. One can't choose one's feelings, not really, Sasha thinks, and she tells herself the result will be the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm glad you're </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. We're going to break into Elias's house," she snaps as soon as Martin arrives. He flinches a little, at her tone. Sasha tries again. "Let me clarify: I am not displeased with you. I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>extremely</span>
  </em>
  <span> displeased with Elias."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin nods. "What, um, what happened?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We're waiting for Tim. I'm not repeating myself," Sasha says, then takes a breath, forcing herself to relax. "I really am impressed that you're here so quick, Martin, I know it's late." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, Sasha, I understand, you wouldn't have used two full-stops for as many words if it weren't terrible," Martin says, spreading his arms to offer her a hug. Sasha throws herself into Martin's arms, letting the warmth and softness of his sweater surround her, gradually feeling less like an irritated, peeled-open eye and more like a human woman who has seen too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tim shows up a few minutes later, glaring at them both. "This had better be good, Sasha," he says flatly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Elias showed me what he did to Jon," Sasha bites out, and both of them stare at her in shock, each of them so afraid of what she knows that she can </span>
  <em>
    <span>taste</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. "Here's what we're going to do about it..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jon is certain I'm something worse and more powerful than Elias, that's why his whole body is pressed to the bottom of the tank like that. He can't speak, hasn't been able to speak for ages, but the Eye keeps making sure I Know how he feels," Sasha whispers, standing and looking down into the dark water, Martin and Tim flanking her. "It hurts him to be Seen like this, pierced open, all his worst memories brought up to the light like treasures displayed for me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha pauses, then addresses the creature cringing in a futile effort to hide from her gaze among the rocks. "Jon, come swim up to us, we're going to rescue you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tilts her head to one side, scowling. "Jon thinks it's better this way, thinks Elias takes care of him. Jon thinks he's going to suffocate and die painfully if I compel him up out of the water. He knows I could." Sasha swallows, scowl deepening. "No, Jon, for Christ's sake, I don't want to dissect you. You've not been given the full story. Now, Tim," she adds, and Tim nods, setting aside his phone, stripping off everything he's wearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha kneels on the ledge, looking down at Jon, and speaks clearly and quietly. "You aren't only a sea creature, Jon, you're a shapeshifter. If you're calm enough, and you focus on taking human form, on changing your body willingly, on blunting your teeth and dulling your sense of smell, you have </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> been capable of changing back. This specific phenomenon considers humanity weakness, and this form strength." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon has always been the sharpest of her assistants, and he succeeds instantly, not letting them take him out of the tank, not even bothering to come up to the surface. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Jonathan Sims is an emaciated, psychologically devastated human man at the bottom of a six-meter pool of water. Sasha Knew this might happen, and warned both the assistants Elias hadn't stolen and broken. Tim dives the instant Jon takes his other shape, swimming fast and hard. Tim reaches the bottom, wraps a strong arm around Jon's far too narrow waist, and kicks off. Tim pulls them out onto the platform in the space of seconds, Sasha and Martin helping them up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon takes gasping breaths of air for the first time in over a year with all three of them around him, his eyes wide in awe and horror. Martin wraps a towel around him. He staggers back into the contact, stumbling, breathing faster. Jon begins to laugh hysterically as Martin holds him up, tears pouring down Jon's cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon's breaths even out after a few moments. He makes little hitching sounds, trying to speak. Sasha gestures to the others to wait, and they do so, patient and silent. "Archivist. Thank you," he tells her weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha smiles, some enormous and terrible part of her delighted that he's back, he's hers, and he knows it. "You're welcome, Jon," she says, lifting his chin with one finger, gazing fondly at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You came back?" Jon manages. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course I did, Jon," Sasha answers instantly. "I had absolutely no intention of leaving you here, trapped in this tank for the rest of your life, unable to help me, unable to read, God." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm pretty sure talking out your monster feelings </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span> is a bad idea," Tim says, already fully dressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon blinks at Tim, stunned, as Martin dries him off and hands him the clothes they packed. Jon's fingers curl in the spare sweater Martin contributed, long enough to hide his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They keep an eye out for Elias on the way out, supporting Jon the entire time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's dazed for the entire trip, leaning on Martin's shoulder or clinging to Sasha's hands, periodically starting to tremble and weep again. Jon is human again, he's human, he can - can breathe air and touch other humans and move stiffly onto and off of the Tube. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>could have</span>
  </em>
  <span> become human at any point in this unspeakable ordeal, if only he'd known how. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they cross the threshold into Sasha's apartment, he feels different. Jon feels finally free of Elias's gaze, and that makes it all somehow more real. Jon finds himself sobbing, loud and ugly, into Sasha's blouse, gratitude and relief and terror and joy intermingled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha cups his face in her hand, so happy to have gotten her assistant back, very slightly concerned by how forcefully she thinks </span>
  <b>
    <em>"mine."</em>
  </b>
  <span> But only very slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim hasn't trusted Sasha since Prentiss attacked and Sasha got spooky and paranoid. He hasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sasha since he caught Sasha looking at a picture of his house. He knows very well that she's becoming a monster. Tim has chafed under the watch of the Eye, has hated that he cannot escape it, or her. For a moment, Jon was a horrible glowing thing with fins and gills, and Sasha was something a sea monster wanted to hide from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight, though, the terrible power they're all bound to handed them a </span>
  <em>
    <span>win. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The Eye let Sasha communicate on Jon's behalf; the Eye let Sasha give Jon back the appearance of humanity. The Eye let Tim immerse himself and come back up with Jon; the Eye let Jon open his lips, call her Archivist, and thank her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tim shudders at that, at how close it feels to outright blasphemy. Beholding absolutely isn't the Gd Tim probably doesn't believe in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet as Tim watches Jon cry his heart out into Sasha's shirt, Tim feels right. Tim knows, with certainty, that Sasha is Jon's Archivist and Martin's Archivist and Tim's Archivist and they're all here to assist one another. He's been distancing himself from the others too long. Closing himself off didn't save Jon, and it won't help Tim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tim tilts his head, nose wrinkling with a less metaphysical problem. He smells of brine and algae; he really didn't make much effort to get it out of his hair or anything before they left, and the saltiness is starting to itch as it dries out his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Sasha, is it cool if I use your shower?" he asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tim sees her face tighten a little, and knows Sasha doesn't want to let any of them out of her sight, not now, not so soon after finding out what happened to Jon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can leave the door open," he offers. Tim's never been body shy, and they've all seen him naked once tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha nods to a half-open door, then says, "Take Jon with you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really? Jon, do you want, um, privacy?" Tim asks as Jon staggers towards him, out of the habit of walking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon shudders on the last word. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"No,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> he says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha's shower isn't really designed for two people, but they manage well enough. Jon seems like he can't get enough of warmth or skin contact, like he keeps leaning against Tim and touching him on purpose. It slows things down, but Tim doesn't care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon's rail-thin and quiet, he's spent half the night crying, and he's apparently spent more than a year before that being horrifically tortured by Elias. After all that, Jon can get in the way while Tim's trying to get the salt out of his own hair if he likes, is Tim's point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they get out of the shower, Tim looks over and Martin's lying in the hallway, asleep, his head in Sasha's lap. She's got one hand on Martin's shoulder and the other in his hair, peaceful and possessive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Part of Tim wants to kneel, right now, nude and dripping, and ask her to touch him, too. He's not into that sort of thing, usually, not really, but this isn't even sexual, it's just - feeling seen, feeling attached, but in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span> way, for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha watches him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>smirks, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Tim can tell she Knows what he just thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon nudges Tim, offering him a towel. As they dry off, Sasha wakes Martin gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha leads all three of them into her bedroom and arranges them in her enormous bed: Martin by the wall, Jon clinging to Martin, Sasha behind Jon, Tim on her other side, placing Tim between everyone else and the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha twines Jon's fingers together with Tim's, over her hip, and reaches under Jon's arm to take Martin's hand herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tim falls asleep just like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Martin has every intention of getting up before the others and sorting out tea, maybe even making breakfast and bringing it to them in bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, it takes a long time for Martin to fall asleep, Jon curled up half-under Martin so snugly that Martin can feel every time Jon's hands or feet twitch in his sleep, a bit like a puppy dreaming of a chase. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room's started to go blue-grey with pre-dawn light when Martin realizes that Jon's feet always spasm against him </span>
  <em>
    <span>in unison,</span>
  </em>
  <span> that even in his dreams Jon's gotten acclimated to having a tail. Then all Martin's dreams are about Jon suffocating as a human underwater or as a fish creature on land.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha wakes them around noon, bringing Martin a mug of tea and Jon a mug of warm broth. "Tim got up early, I sent him out on a few errands, he'll be back soon," she explains, before either of them can ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin feels a rush of affection for her: this incredibly bright half-monster who rescued Jon, who sees how badly Martin wants to be useful and brings </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> tea, who sees her assistants as good and worth fighting for. He knows Sasha's becoming something other than human, something Martin trusts to shelter him to the best of her ability. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Trade you," Sasha tells Jon, taking his empty mug and handing him her phone. "I turned off the passcode. Look up whatever you want." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon stares down at the little rectangle in its peach silicone case, blinking quickly, eyes blurred with tears. She Knows he's remembering all those nights spent pressing his face to the glass, wanting to read </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything,</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have an actual conversation about any topic other than his circumstances, shuddering and wringing his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can go in Accessibility Settings and tell it to read aloud to you, if you want," Sasha offers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon shakes his head, hugging the phone against his chest, rocking back and forth a little. He wanted information so badly, for so long. She's handed over access to the entire Internet without even making Jon ask. Even if it's just for a few minutes, it's a lot to process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Jon, I'm not going to make you give it up, I wouldn't do that to you," she says gently. "Tim's getting another phone, you can give mine back when you have your own, not before." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon nods, shoulders curled in on himself, clinging to Sasha's phone with both hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon looks up the Magnus Institute staff pages first, making sure everyone else is still there, confirming that he's the only one who has disappeared in Sasha's tenure as Head Archivist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin runs his hand down Jon's back, soothing.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elias would have preferred to keep Jon for himself, to withhold the secret of Jon's transformation for at least another decade. This said, giving Jon back to his Archivist is an acceptable compromise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha's loyalty to Beholding has been firmly cemented by the experience - she believes, now, even more strongly, that awful knowledge is preferable to its absence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each of her assistants have similarly been re-dedicated to their paths, strengthening their ties to one another and the Institute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a perfect situation, Sasha's tendency to cling to her assistants and her humanity might have faltered in the face of Jon's glorious transformation, she might not have been able to resist enjoying Jon alongside Elias, sharing him between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha abandoning some humanity to wrap her people in her power like bedlinens is not perfect, but it's very good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Elias's purposes, this will do nicely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That afternoon, Tim comes back with a phone for Jon to keep, clothes that will fit Jon properly, and a massive haul of groceries for everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha declares they're all taking several days off from work, staying by her side, recovering, and helping one another recover. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How'd you know what to - oh, right, sorry," Martin says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, it turns out, sometimes the secrets Beholding reveals to our Archivist are about how many snacks we're all capable of putting away in a given weekend," Tim says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha grins at "our Archivist," softly thrilled, and then leads them all into the living room for brunch and documentaries. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the third day of their little vacation, Sasha rents a car and takes them out to the shore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can spend as little or as much time out there as you like, Jon, it's fine if you don't even shift," she reassures. Jon leaves all his clothing with Martin and walks into the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon dives below the surface. When he comes up again, he's got enormous, jet-black eyes and shimmering blue-green skin. He bares sharp white teeth at Martin, Tim, and Sasha, waves a webbed, clawed hand, and swims off, out into the depths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're sure he'll be okay?" Martin asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I'm sure," Sasha says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What if he tries to - you know, to - " Tim mutters, remembering how sick he'd gotten when he tried to stop working for Sasha, thinking about doing all that out in the open ocean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He won't," Sasha promises. "Jon loves the Archives, he's going for a swim and returning to us. It'll be good for him, getting to go exploring with his new powers, seeing what he's capable of." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, she's more possessively gratified than she expected to see Jon swimming back to her, to get to watch as he rises out of the water, scales gleaming, to return to his bipedal form where she can watch him do it. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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